Handling Criticism and Responding to Critics
Colossians 3:12-17
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”
There are no shortages of critics in our world. You know this as well as I do. We all have been criticized at some point or another over a variety of things. If we are honest, we all would also have to admit that we have been the critic as well. For a few moments, I would like to share some biblical teaching that will help us deal with criticism and with critics.
As a pastor, I hear my fair share of praise and criticism. Sometimes a message really connects and folks send me encouraging words and kind praise. Granted, all of those things need to be directed to the Lord because it is only by His grace and Spirit I am able to preach. Admittedly though, those words of encouragement really help during the trials and rough days. And just like there are days that I am able to be used to help others, there are days where I am not so helpful, but rather am seen by some in a negative light. I must testify that I am not perfect (hark) and make mistakes! I am going to go out on a limb and guess that you are not perfect either. That doesn’t change the fact that sometimes criticism hurts, offends, belittles, angers, and incites a variety of other emotions. Famous hymn writer Charles Wesley went through a dire season of depression due to the severe criticism of some of the hymns he wrote to glorify God. I am glad there is sound wisdom in the Scriptures to help guide us in dealing with criticism and the critics of life.
1.) When dealing with criticism and critics we must realize who we are in Christ.
Whenever we are dealing with those negative statements and people, we must always remember that we are children of God. And because of this truth, there is a certain way we need to respond to things. In verse twelve, we see that we are instructed to “PUT ON” certain attributes of our Lord. Now, this is not saying put on like “put on an act” or “put on a good show”. But rather we are being instructed to put on as you would a coat or another type of garment. We are to put on the character of Christ and allow it to “cover” the attributes of our natural nature.
When I encounter criticism or a critic, usually my first reaction is to defend myself. Then try to justify my action or actions that are being criticized. The behavior comes to me so naturally that I do not even think about it. But my natural actions are not the ones that I am being instructed to follow through with. I am instructed to put on certain attributes of Jesus (mercy, kindness, humility, love, etc.).
When you are being criticized take a moment and gather your thoughts. Hold back your words and “PUT ON” the character of Christ before you proceed. We never want to give the devil an opportunity to hurt someone through us or to hinder us in our personal pursuit of Jesus. When it comes time to respond to the criticism or deal with the critic, make sure that you act according to the instruction of our Heavenly Father.
2.) When we are criticized, we must review the criticism to see if there is any validation to what the critic is saying.
Notice “if any man have a quarrel against any:” We learn that there are times when our critics are validated in what they are criticizing. They may not articulate it properly. They may come in a wrong spirit that is being encouraged by the devil. We must learn to overlook the packaging and examine the package.
“Is what the critic saying about me true?” It’s important to keep in mind that there will be times when we are in the wrong and we need to repent. Sometimes we will need to go to the offended party and apologize. I have found many times my critics are right about me. They may have been wrong in how they went about dealing with my wrong. They may have acted in the flesh. And I had to realize that even though the packaging was marred, what was being said was very true.
If you are wrong, own it and grow from it! Make amends, examine your behavior and grow in the area of your criticism. This is the calling of Christianity (Philippians 1:6).
3.) Respond to the criticism and love the critic.
Yes, you read that right. Love the critic. I’ll comment more on this in a moment. First, let’s talk about responding to criticism. There are a few guidelines that help navigate things.
a.) If it is a simple and/or foolish criticism, I do not respond.
b.) If it is an area of preference that is being criticized, I do not respond.
c.) If they are not in my immediate life circle (family, friend, congregation, connected to my immediate family), I do not respond.
Yes, I leave a lot of things where the critic puts them. I evaluate every criticism for authenticity. If it falls under one of the three stated areas, I don’t bother to respond. I pray for them, plan to love and be kind to them, and I let “the peace of God rule” in my heart.
d.) If the person is in my immediate life circle, I respond with grace.
I always try to approach things with the mind set that I do not want conflict. I pray and form my thoughts before I address my critics. I stick with what God leads me to say. It takes two to argue and I refuse to argue. God will never lead me to act in a way that Jesus would not act. It is important to hear the case of the criticism from the critic. If there are any points that need to be stated, present them kindly. If there is confusion or fault, take the blame and apologize. If they receive the apology then move forward. If they continue to criticize or have an argumentative spirit, cease the conversation. Offer them an apology for any fault or failure that has bothered them and move on. I will not argue. If in the right, simply apologize for the way that they feel about things and move on. Do not wage war with critics. Do not look for opportunities to criticize them. We are called to be peacemakers and to share the light of Christ. The last thing I want to do is be an agent of darkness and strife.
Note: It does bother me when I cannot make peace with someone. I believe that’s natural for all believers. But we must accept that we can’t change people and that some people are “always” right in their own eyes.
e.) If the critic apologizes, forgive them and love them.
Love the critics, grow from the criticism, let God supply you with peace, and respond like Jesus instructs. Let forgiveness be at the forefront of our hearts when dealing with the critic and let our words be given in humility and love.
f.) If I find that the criticism is accurate and many have been affected by the area that I have been criticized for, then I will offer an apology to all within that realm of influence (family, church, work place, teammates, etc.).
None of us are perfect. The key to harmony is grace. If we all act, speak, and show grace when others mess up, then we can have a harmonious life together. Let’s seek to build each other and encourage each other on the journey of life.