“But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.”
I Thessalonians 4:13-18
When a loved one goes on to Heaven they are still very much missed! There are seasons in our lives when we seem to miss them more than at other times and the Christmas season happens to be one of those times.
Christmas is a time when families get together to celebrate the Lord and enjoy family traditions. It’s during these get togethers and the practicing of family traditions that we really notice the empty chairs. The chairs where someone very special and dear would sit and share in this joyful time of year before they went to Heaven.
The empty chairs can stir up many memories within our hearts. Some of these memories cause us to laugh or to smile, while others cause a single, silent tear to roll down our cheeks. Sometimes the holidays can really be hard because we were so close to someone. I find that the “firsts” that I have had to experience have been really hard when it comes to missing those loved ones who are in Heaven.
For me the empty seat that I first truly experienced was my Great Grandmother’s. Her empty seat is on the end of a blue couch where she would always set whenever we were at her house. My Great Grandmother lived next door to us and she was a huge part of our lives. As children we would always go to my Great Grandmother’s house on Christmas Eve before going home and going to bed. She always spoiled us with a gift that she knew we really wanted. When I received word of her passing while I was off at college it broke my heart. Even as I try to write this devotion memories of her bring tears to my eyes.
Over the years my calling as a Pastor has had me stand by many families as they said goodbye to someone dear. I have wept with them that weep and I have rejoiced with them that rejoice. I still find myself being someone to lean on for those who go through the seasons when loved ones are missed. I can honestly say I am glad to have my calling as a pastor.
Through the truth of the scripture and experience I have learned a few things that I believe will help you as you go through the seasons of loss and those times when your heart is aching for the one you love.
“Concerning them that sleep” – The Lord wants us as believers to really think about Jesus as life, and not just life, but everlasting life. So in addressing believers who are mourning the passing of loved ones the Lord uses the word sleep rather than death. The body is sleeping. The body is at rest. The body, though buried, only represents the mortal part of our loved ones. The soul that is saved goes to Heaven to be with our Lord! In fact the scripture makes it clear as we find “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord” as a strong reminder that those we love are not dead!
Death speaks of separation forever – the scriptures remind us that we will be reunited with our Savior, Jesus Christ, and those loved ones who have gone on before us to heaven. For me this has been so comforting! I live about twenty minutes from where my Great Grandmother’s body is buried. Many times I find myself over there at the cemetery visiting that grave. I allow myself time to remember her, to remember the memories that we made together, but I also allow myself to look heavenward and whisper, “I will see you soon!”
My father-in-law passed away in July. In the fifteen years I knew him we built a strong relationship. I miss him, but what has been a great comfort to me, is thinking biblically, and knowing that I will see him soon. His body is just sleeping and his soul is at home in Heaven. I am the one that is away. I am the one on a journey that is leading homeward to those that I love!
Secondly, if you take notice in the passage we have shared, the Lord uses the word “them”, speaking of those in heaven, four times, and He uses the word “we”, speaking of all of us, one time. In just five verses the Lord speaks of those who have gone on to heaven five times! Do you know what I have learned that really helps when we are missing people – to talk about them!
At first it can be very hard to talk about someone who has gone to heaven. Many times the tears begin long before the words ever do! But once you start sharing memories and talking about them the better you feel. Remember, they are in Heaven. They are more alive than you or me! Talking about them keeps them close, keeps their memory alive, helps you feel connected to them! I fear our natural response is to not talk about what we are feeling and when we lock those feelings away we lock away the memories that help our hearts through such a trying time! One of the things that we have done since my father-in-law passed is talk about him. If I come across something that I know he would have liked I mention it to my wife. “Your dad would love this”, and I am speaking of him as someone living, not someone dead! I know that in a small way it is helping us through our challenging time.
A third thing that I have learned from experience is – take time alone to think about them and to “feel” all those feelings that you have locked away inside of you! Nearly three years ago I lost a dear friend. That loss really broke my heart and brought my spirit really low. For months I was depressed; for months I tried to lock away the sadness that was bottling up inside of me. I wasn’t able to talk about the loss, even with those going through it with me. My soul was like a dam holding back the flooding emotions of a broken heart. Finally, one afternoon while mowing the grass I found myself walking behind a lawnmower sobbing. I couldn’t hold back the emotions anymore; I couldn’t keep the tears bottled any longer, so I mowed and I cried. I let all of those feelings out, I let myself think about my friend. I allowed myself to be sad and to mourn. It was only after I this experience that I began to move forward and to see things in a biblical light! The Lord used this experience to grow me as a person and to grow me as a Pastor. Sometimes we think we have to be so strong. Sometimes we think our faith is weak if we sorrow – but it’s in our weakness Christ shows His strength and it is only when we give ourselves permission to feel that we can process those feelings!
Lastly, I will end as Paul does in our passage. “Comfort one another with these words.” There are so many of us carrying the same types of burdens. And if you are missing that loved one so are others in your family. Take time for one another. Take time to pray together and for one another. Take time and gently breech the subject and share what you are feeling and give them a chance to share as well. God can take our burdens and build bridges if we will let Him work in us and work through us.
Let’s take time this holiday season to love, to share, and to remember those who left behind an empty chair. And let’s find comfort in knowing we will be with them soon.